The Sins of Illya Kuryakin
by JantoJones
Summary: Napoleon gives us an insight into his partner.


My partner is hurt again. I would say that it happens far too often but, with Illya, it's just the result of who he is. He deliberately puts himself directly in harm's way for the sake of others. Most often, he ends up in a hospital bed as a result of torture by the enemy; usually Thrush. Other times he gets injured in an effort to ensure the success of a mission, or keep an innocent from danger.

This time, while setting demolition explosives in a Thrush satrapy, he discovered he had forgotten to bring remote detonators. His only option had been to set timers but, not wanting the explosives to be discovered, he'd set a relatively short times. Unfortunately, he didn't quite leave enough time to get himself out. Luckily, he wasn't caught up in any of the actual explosions, but he did manage to get himself buried in the collapsing buildings.

So, here I am once again, sitting by his bedside. I've done it so many times, and he for me, but it never gets any easier. In a way, I wouldn't want it to become easy. I will remain here until he begins to recover, or Waverly comes down and kicks me out. The Old Man is generally quite patient in theses situations. He was an active agent himself once, so completely understands the need for one partner to sit vigil with the other. The doctor says Illya will recover fully. But I won't move from here until I see him coming back to the land of the living.

One of these days, this will turn out to be the last time. We've been riding our luck for a long time now, and it's bound to run out eventually. It's at times like this that I tend to turn to God. I don't attend church all that often, but that doesn't mean my faith isn't with me. Hopefully, the Almighty understands that the life of an U.N.C.L.E. makes it difficult to find the time for church. I know what you're thinking. I somehow manage to find the time for the ladies. Well, a man has physical needs, as well as spiritual ones.

Anyway, when I do get the chance to pray properly, it's usually when I'm sitting here; praying for the return of my closest friend. Although, Illya probably wouldn't appreciate me asking for God to help him. He claims to be an atheist, which is fine by me, but I can't help wondering about that St. Christopher medal he rarely takes off. Was it a gift that he wears for sentimental reasons, or does he truly believe it will protect him?

Illya may claim not to believe in God, but I still put him into my prayers in the hope I can cover us both. The job we do is difficult and dangerous, and impossible to do without breaking many of the laws of both God and man. I just hope that the Almighty understands that what we do comes from noble sentiments, and forgives any transgressions we are forced into; especially when it comes to the whole 'Thou Shalt Not Kill' bit of the commandments.

It's probably a good thing that Illya isn't religious. For some reason I can't help thinking of the Seven Deadly Sins, and the fact my partner is guilty of most of them. Not that I'm claiming to be Mr Innocent, but there are things about Illya which many people don't know about. It isn't all that surprising really, as he is an intensely private person, but there is so much more to him than people realise. I also doubt he would see any of these sins as failings.

Take lust for example. I mean, everyone knows what I lust after, but how can I help it if I'm drawn to an attractive woman or two. Don't get me wrong, Illya may seem shy and retiring, but he has an eye for the fairer sex too. It just isn't as important to him as it is too me. Although, whenever he needs to scratch that itch, there's no shortage of choice for him. No, the main object of Illya's lust is knowledge.

The guy wants to know everything, and I literally mean EVERYTHING. I remember after that whole business with Brutus Thor trying to destroy the disarmament conference*, Mr Waverly and I caught Illya taking a child's talking doll apart, just to see how it worked. Luckily, he possessed the skills to put it back together again.

Not only is he good with electronics, he is an expert with explosives, a passable chemist, and even has a PhD in Quantum Mechanics for goodness sake. Add to this the number of languages he can speak, as well as the ones he can understand but not speak, and the sheer amount of miscellany he has in his brain, it's fair to say that Illya is a clever guy. Yet, despite everything he knows, it never seems to be enough for him. Is it any wonder his head looks a little larger than it should be?

And you should see him when he's watching an explosion. The look of pure joy on this little pyromaniacs face is a wonder to behold. It's the same as the one I get in the presence of a willing woman.

He also inspires lust in many of the women around HQ. People think I can have any woman I want, but the truth is, I have to work at it. Illya, on the other hand, merely has to offer that half smile of his, or look through his lashes with those brilliant blue eyes, and the women practically fall at his feet.

Let's change the subject before my own jealously begins to show.

Gluttony is definitely something for which Illya is guilty. Okay, it isn't exactly his fault, I'll give you that. There are many things my favourite Russian keeps locked in the past. He is my closest friend, and I his, but he grew up in a world where you kept your vulnerabilities secret, even from the people you were closest to. He's opened up a lot to me, and one of the things he told me absolutely explains his relationship with food.

He was an orphaned child, in a war-torn country, where food was scarce. He had learned very early that, if you got your hands on something to eat, then you ate it quickly. Although he never knew how long it would be before anything else would come along, it was dangerous to hold any back. All rules of civility are forgotten when people are starving, and if he didn't eat what had immediately, then there was a chance he wouldn't eat at all.

He's just the same now, even though food is plentiful, and varied, for him these days. Admittedly, we sometimes have to eat fast when on a mission, but Illya wolfs it down even on his downtime. I guess habits learned early are the hardest ones to break, though he's not quite as bad as he used to be.

I'm being unfair in calling him a glutton but, like his lust for knowledge, my partner seems intent on trying every kind of foodstuff he can lay his hands on. It's not a terrible hobby, but I wish he wouldn't sample things in such huge quantities. I suppose it's a blessing that his metabolism seems to be much higher than the average man; which would explain why he is perpetually hungry. Luckily, he manages to use all that extra energy, either through the job, or spending time in the gym. He may be fit enough to work it off now, but there'll come a time when he isn't so active.

Of course, there is one food Illya would prefer to avoid at all costs. However, if he will insist on ending up in medical so often, then he's just going to have to put up with the green jello.

Greed is next on the list of sins, and that usually means money to most people, but not for Tovarisch Kuryakin. Again, this is everything to do with his communist upbringing. That's not to say he doesn't appreciate having cash. He would probably say that I also appreciate having his cash. It's just that Illya's greed is more for Jazz records. I know he used to take huge risks in acquiring and listening to them illicitly back home, and now he can't go anywhere without picking up at least one record he doesn't have. I wouldn't care, but he'll never be home long enough to listen to all of them. Not until retirement at least; if we make it that far. I honestly believe that half the joy for him is the actual owning of what would be frowned upon in his own country.

When I come to think about it, knowledge, food, and records could be applied to any of the three sins I've mentioned.

Okay what's next? How about sloth? To be honest, I think this one doesn't really apply to Illya. Okay, so he doesn't exert himself unless it's absolutely necessary, but he is far from lazy. He also keeps himself in peak physical condition, which requires a lot of time in the gym. My partner definitely works harder than me in this respect, and could outpace me in a flat-out race.

Mind you, given the opportunity, Illya will laze around with the best of them. Like I said, he saves his energy for when he needs it most. He also has a remarkable ability to fall asleep absolutely anywhere. Another hangover from his disrupted youth, I suppose.

Wrath is a good one to pin on Illya Kuryakin. The man I know, who few get to see, is warm, witty, and sardonic, but he can also be tetchy, peevish, and irritable. There is also an exceptionally dangerous side of him. The toned-down version of this is his ever-present 'Ice Prince' persona. It's mainly a shield he wears to protect himself, but it's also a very real aspect of his personality. This, though, pales in comparison to an angry Kuryakin.

God help anyone who draws his ire. It's not an admiral trait, but when Illya decides to wreak vengeance, then make sure you're not in his path. More importantly, try not to be the reason for it. My partner has a bloodthirsty streak about a mile wide, which makes him chilling when he's angry. Those blues eyes of his turn to steel and ice when he's roused in that way. He prefers not to kill if he can help it, but if an enemy's death comes by something of their own doing, it's not unusual for Illya take a little enjoyment from it. Often making a grim joke at their expense.

All I can say is that I'm really glad he's one of the good guys. It would be terrifying to have him as an enemy.

I can understand why Illya carries a lot a wrath within him. Losing his family is something he has spoken about many times, but only to me. It's hard for anyone when a family member dies, but Illya was only eight when his father was killed fighting in the Russian army. A few months later, his mother, grandmother, and two sisters were brutally slaughtered by the Nazis. The poor kid witnessed it, but was too scared to come out from his hiding place. Just as well really, as he wouldn't be here now if he had.

The emotions he must have gone through would be difficult for an adult to comprehend, let alone a child. I honestly believe that, even though we've talked things over, Illya hasn't yet come to terms with what happened. Though, having never had to deal with such a tragedy myself, I don't know if such a thing is even possible to come to terms with. To his credit, Illya has more or less learned to channel any negative feelings he has into fighting the bad guys. I say more or less, because he has such a serious and sombre disposition around people he doesn't know.

The loss of his family is where envy comes in. He hides it well, but I've seen the hurt in his eyes when he witnesses a happy family group. I know he loves his job, and the chance to travel the world, but I can imagine he would give it up in a heartbeat to go back and grow up with his family around him. Who wouldn't in his situation? My heart truly bleeds for him, but the selfish part of me is glad I have him as a partner. Had history been different, and Illya's family hadn't been killed, he would no doubt have become a hunter like his father.

Beyond my own self-centred concerns, I can say, hand on heart that the whole world would be a different place had Illya Kuryakin not joined U.N.C.L.E. He has played a part in saving the world hundreds of times, his reason for being in this hospital being the latest.

I'll tell you something else about Illya and envy. He creates it in all those around him, especially when it comes to marksmanship, and athleticism. I've lost count of the times I've gone looking for him in the gym and found him working out with an audience. He's even started giving lessons in traditional Russian dance. I have no idea how anyone does that. I'm fairly flexible, but I couldn't begin to do that squatting and kicking thing. Illya's thighs must be made of steel.

I've mentioned some of his talents, of which there are many, but the thing about my partner is that he knows he is good. Which is where we come to pride.

He is exceptionally aware of his abilities, and isn't afraid to let people know. Unfortunately, many people take this as arrogance, but it really isn't. He's usually just stating facts. Illya works hard to achieve his knowledge and skills, and doesn't understand why acknowledging this is a bad thing. I don't either frankly, especially as Illya has so much of which to be proud.

Conversely, although he has a sense of pride, he simulaneously has no pride whatsoever. My partner has no qualms about suffering any affront to his dignity in order to get the job done. Admittedly, in this line of work, it's the same for all agents. Yet, somehow, Illya always seems to suffer indignities not meted out to anyone else. There's no place for pride in a Thrush interrogation cell.

There are other so-called negatives to Illya's character, which aren't really bad things in the grand scheme of things. For example, he's a lot vainer than people would imagine. Although he doesn't really have an interest in clothes, he is unbelievably precious when it comes to his hair. He wears it more like the youth of today, though with his youthful looks he can get away with it. I've even seen him pause in front of a mirror in order to tease a stray lock into place.

Illya is also a perfectionist. For a man who lives a life of chaos, he can be exceptionally fastidious. Come to think about it, I imagine this is yet another thing he's brought from his past. Plus, as a scientist, it pays to be precise, or else risk an accident.

You may think I'm being a little critical of my partner, but let me assure you, I have nothing but admiration for him. Given everything he's gone through, since the age of eight, it's remarkable that he is as well-adjusted as he is.

Illya Nickovitch Kuryakin is not only fiercely loyal to U.N.C.L.E., and all it stands for, he is also brave beyond belief, kind, caring, and generous. Which reminds me, I still owe him twenty dollars. When it comes to the job, Illya is always prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice in the pursuit of peace and security.

More importantly, he's the best damn friend I've ever had. Who would ever have thought that I would happily entrust my life to a Russian. My grandfather would turn in his grave at the mere thought. When we were first partnered I didn't think we would ever get so close. To be honest, I thought he would never last. Illya looked so young, skinny, and vulnerable. Then again, not much has changed, and he has a remarkable ability to fool people into believing he is innocent and naïve.

Mr Waverly doesn't like it when partners develop such a strong friendship. In fact, he's often inclined to reassign teams when that happens, as an agent may be tempted to put the rescue of his partner ahead of a mission. For some reason though, he seems to tolerate our friendship. I think it's because Illya and I get good results. Either that, or the Old Man remembers that neither of us had any luck in meshing with previous partners.

Illya's beginning to wake at last. Another battle he's manged to win, despite the odds being against him. He's good at defying the destiny which seems to be set out in front of him. One day, fate will win, but it isn't today.

By the way, I hope you won't go telling Illya that I told you any of this. As he is fond of saying, he'd 'have my teeth for cufflinks'.

_*The Thor Affair_


End file.
